dream house | august 5

Photo by Joey Nguyแป…n on Pexels.com

One house, the all house; yours, and mine.


The house where I am always trapped, where all the doors are shut and I have to yell quietly, gather the children to run. Why are they not running?


The house with chasing, mazes, there-and-not-there, barn, bar where we hid and kissed, head banging, a door that leads to a garage which is not real.


The house with the lake, a tiger on a raft, snapping turtles, drowning. Waking up to toast and coffee and bacon. Fresh morning lakeside septic-tank piss.


Not this place, not that place. Not his place, though it felt my own. Am I transient? Am I bags-packed, though I gave up bags long ago?


What will your home house when you are dead? When it is burned to the ground? Will I return and burn with it, the cancer causing claustrophobic slut with basement tigers and slabs of damp concrete where all the rapes were witnessed? Will it smell the same? Will I be able to hide behind the stairs once and for all?

Iโ€™m not only trapped there in my dreams, you know. All the doors are locked in all the houses.

And Iโ€™ll never build my own.

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